5 Ways to Step into Your Sexual Power as a MotherMar 25, 2021
This week I was featured on Just Rhoda’s fabulous podcast ‘Just 5 Things,’ and we had a juicy and insightful chat around ways to step into your sexual power. All these tips apply to single mums too, and I thoroughly recommend checking that out below. AND I want to add a little more to this in today’s blog to make these tips practically applicable around our lives as mothers.
It can be challenging to balance our lives as parents and sexual beings, but putting these tips into place can help make that balance easier. I fully believe you can show up as a vibrant, sexually empowered female force, alongside being a mother and raising kids day-to-day. Understand this is not to add pressure. I’m in no way promoting any ideas of perfecting a high-maintenance vixen image and all the connotations of that... No! No, this is all about the inner work, the small ways we can exude our divine energy without waking up even earlier to get the hair rollers in. If you want some practical, realistic ways to show up in your sexual power, this one is for you.
Start very small
This one is so so so important for those of us with kids. As I explain in the podcast, a two-hour tantric self-pleasure session can feel so far from what we can manage at the end of a long day that we don’t bother bringing in pleasure at all. Think really really small if need be, use that one hour they are napping to make something you LOVE, a bath with oils, a delicious cake you savor, read an inspirational book that fills you up. Take time each day to make yourself the Queen of your universe. Maybe this is just a sacred moment of meditation, painting your nails, or making yourself a separate dinner later of what you actually want, not just what the kids will eat. Connect with what gives you pleasure in whatever way fits in around you, but most importantly, know you have permission to indulge daily, frivolously, and in whatever way feels really really good.
But, take it seriously!
I get it. You have a lot on your plate... a lot, a lot, but that’s not a reason to let your pleasure slip. I know it’s easier said than done, but you are the centre of the universe at home. Your energy is VITAL. As the adage goes, you can’t fill from an empty cup, and though every single thing around you is shouting to martyr yourself... you mustn’t.
There is nothing scarier than a frazzled mum running on empty, and the pressure builds and eventually spills out everywhere if we are not careful. Self-care and your pleasure as an individual adult woman is non-negotiable. It’s the only way this ship and all its tiny passengers will stay afloat. More than any other group of humans alive today, you, the single mother, must take your pleasure seriously. Cancel things, put them in school clubs, arrange play-dates, do whatever you need to to get some adult time of your own just feeling into your pleasure and reconnecting with your self as a sensual, divine-feminine being.
It’s the journey, not the destination... take the pressure off the big O!
We’ve talked about this before, but I want to remind you again that self-pleasure is not just about getting a quick orgasm in. Sometimes the pressure to finish is just that... more pressure! When you are already only half-way down a mile-long to-do list, adding “must have an amazing orgasm” at the bottom can feel like more pressure. Time for mums is also tight, especially when combined with limited privacy. The fear that someone may burst in at any moment is certainly not an aphrodisiac, and there is nothing on earth less arousing than a “Muuuum!!! I’ve done a poo!”
Sometimes there are not enough hours in the day, or just energy, to get into a start-to-finish wank. I’m a big advocate of quality over quantity. Connecting with your body several times intimately over the day can feel amazing. Feeling into your joy without any intention can stir long-dormant urges. Ensuring you are checking in with yourself about how much feels like enough also helps to develop a more loving relationship with yourself, with clearer bodily awareness of consent.
It is internal work, not external
If you have been anywhere on social media over the last 5 years, you will likely have seen some women feeling comfortable presenting extremely sexually... including lots of mums. For me, Iskra Lawrence, Ashley Graham, Tammy Hembrow, a whole host of Kardashians, and most recently Em Rata all spring to mind.
Part of me thinks it is fantastic, finally, here is a space where mums, including a handful of single ones (yes, we can include Kim and Kylie in our ranks), are changing up the public image of parents! Part of me thinks something completely oppositional... pressure.
As I am sure you have gathered, I am a big proponent of removing stress from pleasure. Especially as I know we mere mortals have more than enough of it as it is. You see, I don’t want you to confuse presenting sexually with a) being flawless or b) comfortable posing online in your pants if that is not your vibe! I find lots of clients and women often mistake being sexually explicit with being sexually empowered. Sexuality is inner, not outer work, and performative sensuality, while it may have a place on your road to being more confident, is not the same as being embodied sexually.
Own it publically, and wear it proudly! You earned this, Mumma!
Let’s face it, despite all the work of some amazing women, the words “mum” and “sex” still rarely make for comfortable cultural bedfellows. I fully believe we all deserve to siren our way through the world, our inner vixen at the helm, but it is not always the best idea to go full Bond girl at the school gates. As I said in the podcast, even if you are still dressing modestly and appropriately, people tend to notice when you step into your fell sexual energy... and that can feel a bit strange at the local NCT. Keep at it. Other mums will gravitate towards your renewed energy and ask you how you are doing it. Genuinely, more often than not, you are seen as an inspiration rather than a threat, but it can feel a bit alien at first. Own it, it’s hard-earned, and once you get used to the way people notice your glow, you will never want to go back.
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